The Dirt Bike Kid (1985) / The Thing with Two Heads (1972) – Dirt Bikin’ D*ckheads: The First Double Feature

The Dirt Bike Kid (1985)
Directed by David Zucker
Starring: Peter Billingsley, Stuart Pankin, Patrick Collins, Chad Sheets

The Thing with Two Heads (1972)
Directed by Lee Frost
Starring: Ray Milland, Roosevelt “Rosey” Grier, Don Marshall, Roger Perry

A haunted dirt bike and a racist surgeon's severed head walk into a double feature — honestly, what more do you need to know? This week we're kicking off a brand new segment on the show: once a month, we're pitting two deliriously stupid movies against each other in the same episode, and we couldn't think of a better place to start than a sentient magic dirt bike saving a hot dog stand and a two-headed man tearing across the countryside on that exact same bike. Buckle up, because dirt bikes and dickheads is officially our theme.

In this episode, we discuss:

• A Bike Powered by Magic (and Child's Assholes) — We break down how a broke kid trades his grocery money for a supercharged, sentient dirt bike that flies, fights bulldozers, and somehow gets arrested by actual police. We argue about where this movie even takes place, why nobody questions a bike driving itself through town, and how this kid could've just eaten free hot dogs forever instead of going through all this trouble.

• The Most Trumpian Real Estate Scheme of 1985 — The real villain of Dirt Bike Kid isn't the bike, it's a sleazy banker inflating land values to steamroll a hot dog stand for his own bank. We get into the shockingly adult subtext buried in this PG kids movie, including Playboy magazines and a genuinely unhinged number of food fights.

And in our next movie, The Thing with Two Heads:

• Two Heads, One Body, Zero Chill — We dive into the gloriously unhinged premise of a dying racist surgeon getting his head grafted onto a death row inmate's body, and somehow that's not even the weirdest part. The neck-brace special effects, the mismatched head makeup, and the sheer audacity of the mirror gag get the full breakdown.

• The Chase Scene That Just Won't End — We argue over exactly how long the climactic two-headed-man-on-a-dirt-bike police chase actually runs (10 minutes? 20?), and why it might be one of the most purely entertaining sequences either of us has watched for this show. Funk soundtrack included.

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