Microwave Massacre (1979) – The Largest Microwave Ever, Very Little Massacre

Microwave Massacre (1979)
Directed by Wayne Berwick
Starring: Jackie Vernon, Lori Sauber, Sarah Alt, Daniel Dean

What if Frosty the Snowman got tired of his wife's cooking and started microwaving people? That's essentially the pitch for Microwave Massacre, a movie so thoroughly, unapologetically bad that it somehow circles back around to being almost charming. This week, Justin from the Pop Culture Reflections Podcast dared us to watch a movie where a construction worker named Donald kills his wife, discovers he enjoys cannibalism, and starts franchising his new diet to his coworkers. It's 76 minutes of mannequin limbs, below sub-Razzie acting, and the biggest microwave ever committed to film. We watched it so you don't have to — but honestly, you probably should, once.

In this episode, we discuss:

A Poor Man's Rodney Dangerfield, Except Not Funny — The movie was originally written for Rodney Dangerfield, who had the good sense to price himself out of it. What we're left with is Jackie Vernon — the voice of Frosty the Snowman — delivering Dangerfield-style one-liners with all the comedic timing of a man who's never been funny before. We dig into the casting, the “humor,” and whether Rodney dodged a bullet or just preferred Rappin' Rodney.

He Throws Salt Over His Shoulder for Good Luck and Goes Back to Murdering — Donald snaps, beats his wife with a salt shaker, pauses to grind fresh salt and toss it over his shoulder for luck, then resumes the murder without breaking stride. That's the level of comedy we're working with here.

A Horror Comedy Without Teeth — John's biggest complaint: for a movie called Microwave Massacre, there's almost no gore. It's got plenty of nudity and women being turned into table sandwiches, but the actual kills mostly happen off-screen.

This Is Sub-Bad. It's Worse Than Bad — The acting in this movie is so far below Razzie-level that Sean compares it to “a bunch of adults who are just learning how to talk.” We talk about Jackie Vernon's fourth-wall-breaking that starts as a cute gimmick and turns into what feels like him looking to the camera for direction, the movie's weird tacked-on ending, and the pacemaker-vs-microwave climax that was probably just the filmmakers saying “hurry up and get this over with.”

We Also Talked About:

• General Magic (2019) (Youtube) — Documentary about a spinoff from Apple in 1990 that tried to build an iPhone 15 years too early. Team members went on to create the iPod, Android, and eBay.

• M (1931) (Youtube) — Fritz Lang's first sound film, a masterpiece about a child killer terrorizing a German town and the criminal underworld that hunts him down because the police crackdown is bad for business.

• Jeanie's Face Exploded (Fawesome) — A 25-minute interview with Genie Jeffries, makeup assistant to Tom Savini on Dawn of the Dead, about practical effects and working with Romero.

• The Being (1981) (Tubi) — A shittier Blob remake set in Idaho, featuring a toxic waste monster that looks like a xenomorph with googly eyes. The kind of thing you'd see at 2 AM on USA.

• Pawn Stars (Tubi) — John's been leaving it on in the background and feels worse about himself for it. These guys are “a bunch of cock slaps schlubbing around a pawn shop.”

• Harry Styles at Madison Square Garden — Sean took his kids to night 21 of the residency. Great show, full band, $23 IPAs, and you need an American Express card to shop at the Pleasing store.

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